Giant Box: Me and Writing

Okay, so my dear spouse did something to this site so that I could change the layout or what have you, and now I can’t figure out how to screen or delete comments or any of that wonderful stuff. Also, I just drank a Monster Energy Shooter, so I am as spastic as a spastic kitten. And spastic kittens are way more spastic than normal kittens, which are somewhat spastic anyway.

Yes, well, this post has nothing to do with anything, and is a bit of spam in itself, but at least it’s not about viagra or anything like that.

So I signed up for Script Frenzy, the scriptwriting version of NaNoWriMo, with the intention of writing the Ant-Man movie (don’t ask.) But not having any early Ant-Man comics (or any at all) around, I was left making it up from what I could read on the internet and my own intentions towards the characters. And I quickly realized I wasn’t going to be able to write a 100-page script with this.

I almost abandoned Script Frenzy, then realized that I had written several novels that I could probably adapt more quickly, since I knew all the characters. So I got out a trusty spiral notebook and began taking notes on how I would change my first novel into a film. And realized that if I made these changes to the book itself, it would be a much smoother and probably better book for it. I thought I was done with the damned thing.

In other news, my hubby says I need to prove to him that I can follow through with my intentions, because I quit things too often. There are generally reasons for that, but I guess he has a point. So now I have to learn how to play this guitar. Hmmm . . .

Interview today, for a job which I both want and do not want. In many ways I think it will be a good thing for me, but I don’t want to have to be singing songs like “The Wheels on the Bus” and feeling like a damned fool, and herding large numbers of toddlers around all the time. Nor would this be a good position to make any drastic changes in my life, and I’m not sure I can’t not . . . I’m not sure my grammer skills are the best at 6:28 in the morning. What I’m trying to say is that I . . . I don’t know.

I think that’s enough of an entry for today.

So yesterday I was checking in books (what a surprise, two-fifths of my work involves checking in books) and found a science book for grade-schools called ‘The Atoms Family.’ I laugh to myself and show it to a co-worker. She starts laughing, and then we discuss how most kids probably wouldn’t get it.

The day before I was noting some damage to a book about giant squid (called Giant Squid) when I realized that it had been in the computer as “Giant Squad” . . . for approximately ten years.

Although that’s not off-topic since this blog isn’t just about writing but about random stuff from my life, I do want to add the fact that I am quite jealous of people who are good with titling their books. I can come up with some decent titles, but then I don’t know what story to have for them. And the same for coming up with decent stories, but not knowing how to title them. For example, I wrote a novel called ‘The Unicorn Box.’

I don’t know if Stephanie Meyer named her ‘Twilight’ series, or if the publishers did it, but whoever did it had a good idea. Not that I’ve read the books, but the theme really seems to work for a series with vampires. I have been firmly resolved not to read them, but my resolve is cracking. I’m not sure why it’s at this point in my life. Seems like odd timing.

I haven’t written anything much for a terribly long time, due to life issues. I was considering writing but could never work up enough energy to do it. I bought a couple of new writing books and haven’t bothered to look at them. I have been struggling with periods of just not giving a damn about anything for the longest time, and low self-worth. I have never accomplished the smallest fraction of anything I’ve ever planned on doing. Some of that is due to the fact that life just doesn’t take the road you planned, but often it’s more a case of the fact that I just don’t see a point. It isn’t so much that I don’t want to learn the guitar, learn carpentry, go back to Grad School . . . it’s that there’s a seemingly impassable barrier in the way.

Something then made me more sure about what I needed to do to tear down that barrier, and so I opened myself up as best I could to those who were closest to me. And was met with disbelief. I feel as though I’ve taken my deepest self and placed it on display, only to have it rejected. I shared something I shared with only one other person. I’m not the best at sharing, but I tried. I tried and no one understands.

For a moment there, I felt so much more right with everything than I have felt in a long time. For a day or two, I thought I could write. Now I am just trying to find some way to let them understand, without hurting anyone. I’m not sure that’s possible. I’m not sure what’s possible, or what I need to do, but I can’t go back to the way things were, because no one was getting anywhere that way.

So years ago (almost one year ago) I promised the wonderful ladies over at ToBoldlyNano.com  a video post about editing and/or revising. Well, my year got derailed at about the same time as I made the offer, and I’ve only finally been able to smack myself (mentally) and make myself take care of things I promised I would do.

Not that the video is done, but I made a practice video, and I have note cards and the video will be done tomorrow. Unless something happens. It had better not.

I suppose I could resume with the “Last Thing I Wrote Yesterday” bit, but . . . boring. So, so boring. I don’t know what the problem is. I think it’s the setting . . . and the character, but mostly the setting. No, it’s the character. And the setting.

So far in the story the character has wandered around, had an argument, had another argument, been bored, been bored, threw a fit about the boredom, and then stomped off to wander around again. I think there’s a pattern here. I think maybe Naren is bored because I am bored. Wow, what a breakthrough. Here’s a new plan . . . oh, no, wait. I don’t actually have a plan. Oh, it was freewriting. Only I don’t feel like that right now. Tim is asleep again.

 Still going nowhere, I guess. I just deleted over ninety pieces of spam on this account. I wouldn’t mind it so much if I had more than two real comments on here. I guess more people need to know about this website, but it isn’t as if I haven’t tried, at least a little.

Not that my blogs are the most interesting things in the world. Blogs? Posts . . . bloginess. Whatever.

 So last November I “finished” my NaNovel. At least, I rushed into an ending of sorts. Maybe someday when I can be bothered to do more research I’ll write the second draft. As of now, I am trying to figure out how to write a story about these brothers and this demon or something. It is fairly awful, as of the moment, but I don’t have any better ideas. I am not sure there need to be brothers, or a demon. We shall see . . .

The last thing I wrote yesterday will resume as soon as I start writing regularly again. We shall see about that, as well.

Nobody reads this blog, so I don’t know why I even update it. It isn’t like I ever have anything worth saying. Ever. Or that people would care, even if I did. The one person I care about most in the world doesn’t even care about themselves, and I can’t care enough for two people. I just can’t. It doesn’t work that way.

So I give up. I’m giving up. I don’t see why I even try when it doesn’t even matter.

The depths of National Novel Writing Month, that is. Except I haven’t written for a couple of days and that is somewhat worrisome. Yesterday I did write a bit about my characters’ motivations and some things that I might need to do to get this story to where I want it to be at the end. Also some stuff about editing, but I don’t think I’m supposed to be thinking about that right now.

In other news, I’ve been conscripted to working every day this month er, week. Is that the word I want? I actually want the word that means the thing when the British Navy used to grab guys off their own ships and make them serve in the Navy. What is that word? Impress. That’s it. I thought it might be so I checked my handy little computer dictionary. And it was. Um . . . impress and conscript are basically the same thing, so I don’t know why I was so . . . I think it’s the NaNo. The NaNo makes me do these things and type on and on for who knows how long . . .

 In even more other news, I mended this shirt that had a couple of holes in it with the handy needle and thread . . . from looking at it you can’t even tell where one of the holes was . . . the other one still has some signs but it looks better. I then was going to get started on embroidery, but . . . my needles were too small. So it’s off to Hobby Lobby . . . um, probably Saturday, because the stupid Hobby Lobby doesn’t open before 10:00 so it isn’t easy to get there before work. Stupid Hobby Lobby.

Anyway, it’s about time to eat and then I must start getting ready for work.

 As in, tomorrow (or tonight at midnight, whichever) will be November. And that means National Novel Writing Month . . . and I can’t think of anything I want to write. I hate writing. I suck at writing! Why do I have to do anything!

Um, anyway . . . I’m a kitty! Meow!